Being a Residence Hall Director

What is it like to live in a residence hall at a college full of college students and raising a family - not easy! But, over the last twenty years of life and the entire eighteen years of my marriage my wife and our three kids have lived in residence halls and I believe that the experience will benefit my children for the rest of their lives. We have lived with students from around the world, any number of religious affiliations, sexual orientations, and a wide array of learning disabilities. The experience is one which has shaped my life profoundly and continues to do so each and every day.

I have worked with students through the first gulf war, the California fires, midwestern tornadoes, 9-11, Katrina, family deaths and family births. I have had two of my residents die and many of my residents have moved on to marry and raise families of their own. Many of my colleagues have moved on to dean ships and administrative positions at other colleges while I stay here working with my students. Over my time in the halls I have probably been intricately involved in the saving of a dozen lives in emergency situations and hopefully countless more from my efforts on a day to day basis. I have no illusions about what I do, I feel I am like a park ranger that tries to show where the good trails are, the tougher trails, and the really dangerous trails. It shocks me when I look back and think of all the lives that have impacted me and can only hope that I have impacted some of them the same way.

A Year Of Change

Over the past year and a half of my life I have learned that there is more to that life than trying be good at your job. After my father's death five or so years ago I lost track of the importance of myself, my wife, and my family probably in some need to please a now deceased dad. Then a year and a half ago my wife let me know what I had become - some sort of ogre seeking work perfection for too many that did not appreciate nor understand my efforts and doing at a cost of everything else in my life. That moment of stark reality shocked me into an evolution in my life to let go of my fears, enjoy my life, and realize that work is work. Those of us in professions that take care of others have the greatest difficulty in my opinion of letting go of the job when we go home at night. As a coach, a teacher, and a hall director I was living for others and not the others that were most important to me. Today, I am on a road that has led to a much better approach to each and every day creating new and far stronger ties with my children and a redeveloping relationship with my wife. I have never been self focused and hope to one day include myself with greater emphasis in this evolution.

There are moments in our lives when we have clear choices with possibly even clearer consequences and making the healthy choice is never that simple. It has been a really difficult year for me and at times I did not think I could do it - but here I am. I hope to get to the next phase which is just being Mr. Happy -Go-Lucky again but who knows when that will happen. Some day I know that the comfort I enjoyed for so long in just being me will return with a joy and happiness that I have not felt for some time. Until then feeling better about every day and seeing the change in my family dynamic is everything. Now if I can just win that lottery!